As I grew up I always got asked : « What do you want to be when you grow up ? What
do you want to study later? »
I remember feeling extremely irritated and annoyed because it always reminded me
that I, myself, really did not know. Being naturally anxious it added to the unnecessary
worries I had about planning the future. So, I would mumble something along the lines
of « I don’t know yet » and they would usually reply « Ah you still have time to think
about it ». It never resulted in a satisfying conversation and would leave a fragrance of
disappointment in the air.
I longed for more interesting conversations with the adults. I thought to myself : » If you really want to make conversation, ask me about what I like to do, my passions, my hobbies, the music I listen to. Let’s talk about the news, stuff I just learned at school, my point of view as a teenager on certain things. Let’s have a debate, a real conversation ! »
Truth is the question is so common it is the first generic thought that comes to mind
when asking a child about their future. Why the obsession with this particular question?
Is it lack of creativity? As simple way to start a conversation ? A cultural habit passed
on from generations to generations ? What does the question say about our interests
as a society, what does it tell us about how we value people?
A first theory goes as follow : When adults look at teenagers, they might actually see
themselves at a time where everything was possible, at a time where there were infinite possibilities of life choices, dreams and careers. But having already made decisions
they look at teens with some kind of nostalgia of paths they never took and choices
they never made. Perhaps they wanted to become a Jazz musician, travel as a news
reporter, go to film school. For a brief moment there, asking the question allows them
to reflect on their own decisions. It allows them to become an indecisive teen and to
dream all over again. This is a fairly romantic and melancholic theory I’ll admit, but I
fancy it a lot.
A second theory would be that the question simply shows the gap there is between
adults and teens. Daily lives, problems, interests are not the same anymore. Thus,
when facing a teen, adults may feel like they cannot relate anymore and that the only
common ground for conversation would be career and work. Furthermore, they might
feel like they have more experience and thus they feel legit to give out advice to in-experimented teens. This later motive came up the most when I interviewed teachers,
parents and young-adults. Most of them think the question comes from a place of
genuine will to help, provide guidance and an opportunity to allow teens to build their
future through conversations.
While that may come from a good place, Adam Grant a professor of management and
psychology at the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania, says asking the
dreadful question is actually detrimental to the child.
He says the first problem with the question is that it forces kids to define themselves
in terms of work. They are expected to have all sorts of good qualities, but it is not an
acceptable answer to say they want to be “A good person” or “Happy”. Kids are made
to believe that success comes first. When we define them by a job it places their worth
only on what they are capable to achieve in their career.
He goes on to say that another problem is that it instills the idea that everybody only
has one calling. The idea of having one calling is irrelevant as the average person can have up to 12 jobs in their lifetime. Research even supports that searching for it make
students feel lost, anxious, and rather depressed in the process. There’s even evidence
showing that having these dreamy expectations of an ideal job leads to less
productivity, higher chances of quitting, higher disappointment and less satisfaction
when confronted with the reality of the job market.
Of course, kids should not stop dreaming and being ambitious, but they should have
aspirations that go beyond a simple job explains Adam Grant. We should not limit
them to a single job that might not even work out for them later. Instead, we can ask
them about the type of person they would want to be, the multiple and infinite things
they would enjoy to do and the values they would want to carry throughout their lives.
I got the chance to meet a social entrepreneur working for Gawad Kalinga, a multi-million dollar Filipino NGO that aims to reduce poverty through a genuine network effect. He made a brilliant presentation of the NGO and ended his speech with words that struck me. In our actual context of an ever-changing world and recent discussions about the future of our planet, he proposed to revisit the question. Instead of asking kids : “What do you want to do in the future” we should start asking them : “What problems do you want to solve in the future ?
Caramel Thoughts 